Inappropriate.

To the Asian Woman sitting next to me on the T this morning--

Yes, I know. The jacket I have on is pretty fantastic. I've been told several times that it's a little "Sergeant Pepper" but whatever, I think it's pretty awesome. In fact, just this morning a woman in Dunkin' Donuts stopped on her way out the door to tell me how much she liked it. I think she even described it as "cool." So yes, I get it. It's a great coat. What's more, I know that I'm smelling pretty good today too. I took a shower, remembered to put on deodorant and gave myself several sprays of of my favorite perfume. It's a pretty good package deal you've got sitting next to you today. But that being said--get your head OFF of my shoulder. As enticing as I may be sitting here next to you, my outward appearance and/or intoxicating scent is not an invitation for you to take a cat nap with my limb as a headrest. I would prefer that no part of you touch me, period. Not your leg, not your arm, not even your bag. I have no idea if you've taken the time to shower today, or any day this week for that matter. Your hair is not looking so cute and whether that's a product of poor hygiene or bedhead, I'm not entirely certain. Quite frankly, I don't care. Get. Off. Of. Me.

Furthermore, do not have the audacity to look at me like I'm a jerk when I nudge you awake to alert you to the fact that you're sleeping on me. Okay, fine, maybe it was more of a punch to your ovary than a nudge, but either way. It's not appropriate for you to sleep on strangers. Or at least not in this context--what you do with your personal time is none of my business. What I do know, however, is that you are invading my personal space and if your head bobs in my direction one more time I'm going to go Kanye West on your ass. I went for a large coffee today--I'll do it. I'm feeling feisty.

Good day.

PS. To the tall blond kid, watching this interaction--you look ridiculous with both your i-phone and your i-pod fixed onto your belt in their respective, over sized holders. Additionally, pleated pants is not a good look for you so I suggest averting your eyes unless you want me to ruin your Tuesday.